


Two Moons and one Volcano

by ninalanfer



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Bloodplay, Community: masskink, F/M, Light Angst, Rough Sex, Scent Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-10
Packaged: 2018-02-03 01:32:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1726280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninalanfer/pseuds/ninalanfer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shakarian - masskink promt. Garrus have problems with primal urges. Shepard gets suspicious (and maybe a bit jealous?) when he isn’t acting as he usually does. Will their relationship survive this? Complete. Oneshot.</p><p>Cover Image: http://ninalanfer.deviantart.com/art/Shakarian-Two-Moons-and-one-Volcano-Cover-460203745</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. There is a Problem

**Author's Note:**

> Original promtp post over att masskink: http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/7799.html?thread=39379831#t39379831  
> The thread was then moved over here: http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/7799.html?thread=39586423#t39586423  
> (the second is the whole story)
> 
> Original Promt:  
> Okay, so in most fics Garrus is a really considerate lover (which I personally think is pretty accurate). But what if turians sometimes go into this state during mating where all they can do is make sure they reach climax by any means in order to impregnate their mate and therefor can't be considerate of their needs; maybe turian females can't have orgasms as easily or take longer, and it's a precaution back from the days to ensure reproduction. 
> 
> So it happens to Garrus and Shepard and he's all upset afterwards while Shepard is just surprised but doesn't think it's a big deal.

~ G.V ~

“Incoming!” Shepard's voice came in loud and sharp over the built in communicator in my armor and I winced.

“Dammit Shepard!” I yelled at her as I dove behind cover, a rocket hitting the ground a few meters away from me. Dust and scraps flew up in the air and limited my line of sight for a moment. “Some of us have an actual working hearing opposed to you deaf humans!”

It was supposed to be a quick drop and hit mission. It was supposed to take us no more than an hour tops. The base where we were supposed to pick up the intelligence was _supposed_ to be abandoned.

_I_ was supposed to be used to working with the living catastrophe magnet that was called Commander Shepard. Things never went the way they were supposed to with her.

“Not for long!” she laughed in my ear.

I snorted for myself and lined up a shot.

Things started out normal enough, as missions with her went anyway. It wasn't until we were making our way back to the shuttle that I noticed something was off. I had always been very aware of her. That went without saying. Especially since we had started to become... friendly off duty. I had always felt protective over her. It was just the deeply rooted normal turian military reflexes. Protect your commander, you are expendable, she ain't. More so now that I had started to take a personal interest.

But today I found myself taking unnecessary risks for her. Like making sure she was properly concealed, through darting across the battlefield when an YMIR had decided this to be a good time to go berserk and spew out bullets in all directions. Or making sure she didn't take point as we investigated a new room. I was on this mission in a sniper capacity, I don't think I had ever taken point before with her. There were other, smaller things too. One among them was prioritizing the mercenaries aiming at her before anything else.

I saw her noticing my unusual behavior, but she didn't comment on it. I wasn't entirely aware I was doing it myself, to start with.

It wasn't until we sat safely in the shuttle on our way back to the Normandy that I understood what was going on. When her smell drew my attention and my eyes lingered on her in a very unprofessional way. People knew we had a thing, it wasn't some big secret. You couldn't keep secrets aboard such a small vessel as the Normandy, especially if you were its captain. But we always kept things professional in front of others when we were on duty.

I did a quick calculation on the date according to the Palaven calendar as my body started to shift uncomfortably without my consent. The curse that followed drew a few eyes but I didn't exactly feel like elaborating.

When the shuttle finally docked I was the first one off it. I headed straight for the main battery. Ignoring how my boots left muddy stains on the floor or how my body was in desperate need of cooling off. Sometimes I envied the mammals for their ability to sweat to make their body temperature drop. As the doors slid closed behind me I shut my eyes and tried to clear my thoughts. How the hell was I supposed to manage this?

~ J.S ~

He was avoiding me, there was no other logical explanation for it. The Normandy was not big and not bumping into each other wasn't really an option. I always saw every one of the crew at least once a day, if I wanted to or not. Making sure you didn't see someone took planning and intent. Not to mention some kind of skill, I was sure.

It had been like this for a few days now. At first I didn't think much of it, we were both swamped with work. It was probably only bad luck. Heaven know we had enough on our plate to never have a free minute anymore, but earlier we had managed. Stealing an hour here, planning to get the same evening free there. Besides, I was an independent woman, my happiness didn't depend on some man. Or so I liked to think anyway.

But as the days piled up without getting to have an actual conversation with the elusive turian I started to suspect something had to be up. When I went to talk to him in the battery he was either too busy with his 'calibrations' or not there at all. He never came to visit at my quarters as he used to and I never saw him in the mess hall. What was going on?

One evening I told EDI to ask him to come up to the loft. I was working at my terminal, going over some reports I hadn't had time for during the day, and as I was concentrating on work I didn't notice the minutes tick by. Minutes turned to an hour. He was surely busy with something important, I thought. Garrus would come up given the chance. He had never refused my call before. So I waited. One hour turned to two and I started to become really irritated. What was so important this late that he didn't have time for me? Maybe he was sleeping? No, that didn't sound right. He usually had later hours and it wasn't _that_ late. Was something wrong? Was he hurt? Should I be calling down to med bay to check with Chakwas?

Flummoxed I exited my quarters and headed down to the crew deck. When I reached the main battery I hesitated. Whereas I usually stepped right in, this time I pressed the door control instead. It gave off an alerting signal. It was late after all and although we had seen each other in any and all kinds of situations I would allow him some kind of privacy. If he wanted it. Which he obviously did.

The door stayed closed.

I frowned. It was one thing to not come running when called upon. A whole other to blatantly ignore me like this. Feeling my temper starting to flare I opened the door and stepped in. The room lay dark and quiet, only the idle vibrations of the engines I hardly noticed anymore could be heard. I looked around the small space but couldn't find him. I even went so far as to check where he slept. No turian.

“EDI,” I said, directing my attention to her station over in the corner.

The round hologram that was her avatar flashed to life and illuminated the room with its blue hue.

“Commander Shepard, what can I do for you?” the AI asked politely.

“Where is Garrus?” I asked.

“Officer Vakarian is currently spending his time in life support together with Thane Krios,” she answered without a minutes pause.

My brows creased together in a confounded expression.

“Thank you EDI,” I dismissed her and headed towards the drell's chosen dwelling place.

“Logging you out, Commander.”

So he was with Thane? Was that why he hadn't come up to me? But he could at least have let me know he was busy or... something. My insides fumed. Instead he had let me start to worry.

I slapped the door control with perhaps a bit more force than I intended. Cool down Shepard, I though to myself. Why was this getting to me like this? It wasn't as if Garrus owed me. We cared about each other, sure. We had spent a few nights in bliss together, sure. But we hadn't actually sat down and talked about our relationship, we hadn't defined it. Times were too unstable and what we had was too fragile. Any day could be our last and we just wanted to spend some time together. Or so I had thought. Was he having second thoughts? Did he want to go back to just being friends? If he even saw us as more. Why wouldn't he tell me in that case instead of this... this... whatever this was.

I let out a frustrated sigh just as the door opened. I found the both of them at Thanes desk. A pair of sniper rifles lay in pieces under their working hands, together with lubrication for the guns and a heap of soft cloths. The two alien men must just have shared a joke if I read their relaxed and slightly grinning facial expressions right. I might not be a total beginner on interpreting other species' moods, but sometimes I had a hard time with a few of the more secluded races. The feeling of awkwardly walking in on someone doing something they were not supposed to was however something that seemed to translate over all races. When both of them turned around in their seats, their faces dropped slightly.

“Commander.” Thane was the first one to collect himself of course. Not that he had looked that surprised to see me. The drell was an enigma with his even face and tone of voice.

Garrus wasn't as smooth, he shifted slightly uncomfortable where he sat.

“Shepard,” he said restrained.

“Good evening, gentlemen,” I said with bravado. Trying to push away the feeling that I had just stepped into something private. “I was just looking for Garrus, really.” My eyes lingered on him. He did look rather uneasy and this time it wasn't the cute kind of awkward. What was bothering him so much?

“Yes, well.” The turian cleared his throat. “I was just about to return your call when I got distracted.”

Distracted? Really? 'Was just about to...' Bullshit! Was he really going with that line? I schooled my face into my unreadable commander mask while bristling inside, waiting for the immense and unexplainable irritation and frustration to subside. It didn't.

“Right,” I pressed on, not knowing really what to respond to that obvious lie.

“Was there something important you wanted?” Was that a guilty look that fazed over his features? I couldn't be sure, it came and went so fast.

“Important? No...” I shook my head and forced myself to breath. Taking measured, shallow breaths. Normal, Shepard, just act normal. This is probably nothing. They are just polishing their guns, he probably got caught up... I stopped that thought right there, realizing how it sounded even within the confines of my own mind. Ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. I didn't have anything to fear from Thane. None of them had showed any tendencies of being interested in one another. Why was I even thinking of this? Both of the men were looking at me, waiting for me to continue. Focus, dammit! “I just came to check on you since you didn't respond. We can take it another time.”

“You sure?” Garrus looked carefully questioning, but I could read his lower harmonics well enough by now to know he was relieved. It bothered me.

“Yes, I'm going to tuck in anyway.” I just wanted to get out of here and out of this strange and somehow upsetting conversation.

“Alright, well... Sleep tight then.” He offered half a smile with the flick of his mandibles.

I forced my mouth to tilt upwards and hoped it came across as friendly.

“Good night, Shepard,” Thane said with his usual calm, resonating voice.

“Good night.” I turned the smile to him, this time it came a bit easier, and walked out of the room.

~ G.V ~

The urge to run after her was so strong it had me gripping the edges of the table as soon as the door slid shut behind her human shape. The thick skin on my knuckles stretched and paled and a soft scratching sound could be heard as my talons dug into the underside of the table.

“Smooth,” Thane said in his stoic tone of voice. I forced my eyes from the door, I hadn't even noticed I was staring at it as if I wanted to tear it a new one. All my concentration was focused on keeping my body from bolting out of the chair. My muscles felt as tightly wound as a spring pulled out too far.

The drell had returned to his previous occupation of cleaning and reassemble his rifle like nothing had happened.

The frustrated sigh that escaped my lips was ground up in my throat and came out more like a growl. I had sought out Thane's company earlier tonight when I had gotten the call to come up to Shepard's cabin. Visiting her was simply not a good idea right now. Me and the assassin had our differences but on some basic level we understood each other. I had found I preferred his company over any of the other in the crew, save for Shepard. So it was only natural for me to seek out my distraction at his quarters tonight. Besides, out of everyone on the ship he was the only other person who would understand.

It had still been one of the most awkward talks I'd ever endured, and that was counting a few I had with my dad when I grew into my fringe. But the calm, unmoving sight of his eyes and the sound of his voice as he gently spurred me on in my explanations, had been a Spirit given gift and helped a long way to help me finish.

“She's driving me insane,” I said when my mind had calmed down enough for me to gather my thoughts. Her smell lingered in the room and hindered me from getting my heart rate down to a reasonable level.

“You should talk to her, tell her what is troubling you,” he suggested as he attached the last piece and hefted the newly assembled rifle in the crook of his elbow. He sighted down the barrel to make sure he got it all aligned correctly, even though I doubted the assassin would ever make such a mistake.

“No,” I said. I could never do that. “I'd rather die than loose Shepard's respect.” I tried to keep my hands from shaking as I started to put the pieces together on my own weapon. But the adrenalin that had just shocked my system kept sporadically sending surges down my arms, making my fingers twitch involuntarily. The metal clanked together and after a third failed attempt a green hand reached out and strong fingers enveloped my own.

I looked up and met Thane's big dark orbs. I had expected amusement, teasing for not being able to accomplish even such a simple task. Maybe even pity. His face betrayed nothing when he opened his mouth.

“You are obviously stressed,” he mused. “Maybe this is not the best undertaking for you right now.” He let go of my hand when I relaxed it and put the pieces back down onto the table. “The hangar should be empty this time of night.” He leaned back in his chair with a lazy grace. “Maybe we should go down there and see if we can get some of that frustration out of your body.”

I gave him a bemused look.

“You want to spar with me?” I raised one eyebrow. “When I'm like this?”

The slightest hint of a smirk ghosted over his lips.

“I assure you, Vakarian, you can not harm me.”

There was a challenge in the air and right now I was all for jumping at it.

 ~ G.V ~

It was great to be able to go full out during the spar. My muscles had been aching for action more than I thought. It was truly freeing, feeling them stretch and contract as me and Thane moved over the floor. It had started innocent enough. Both of us testing the others' strengths and reflexes. We had been training together before, preferring an alien partner over the Cerberus crew, but the opportunities had been few and far apart. Despite that, it didn't take long to fall into a familiar pattern. We had been fighting side by side during missions often enough to feel comfortable with each other in a combat setting.

The metal deck under my bare feet scraped as talons dug into it, bracing for the barrage of flat handed strikes the assassin were raining over me. I blocked or diverted all of them until one slipped under my guard and caught me square in the ribs. My natural armor absorbed most of it and I could tell Thane softened it when he noticed it was going to hit its mark. But I knew it was still hard enough that it would leave a mark for tomorrow.

One point to the drell and he withdrew, dropped his stance and walked over to the side were we had our water. He patted a towel over his face as I grabbed my bottle.

“Not bad,” he said when he lowered the cloth again. His green skin was still glistening slightly from sweat in the soft light. We hadn't bothered to light all the lamps in the hangar and only a few panels on the wall next to us were lit.

I swirled the water around in my mouth for a second, trying to get rid of the dryness from breathing so hard during the fight.

“You got me though,” I said after I swallowed.

He tilted his head in acknowledgment of the statement.

“Still, not bad.” He picked up his own water bottle and took a few gulps. He was still breathing hard and I could hear the rasping in his lungs.

“You okay?” I asked. The drell wasn't weak in any stretch of the imagination, but I still worried from time to time he might overexert himself. He was very passionate about his goals even though you would never suspect it from simply looking at his calm demeanor. I couldn't imagine what it felt like to not get enough oxygen when you breathed though, it was quite daunting.

“I'm fine,” he assured me, put down his bottle and stretched his neck out before moving on to his shoulders. “I have a fight or two in me yet. How about you, getting tired?” The amused smirk that I had come to associate with the drell crept up over his mouth.

I scoffed. My body was still busting with energy and it literally tingled, asking for more movement.

“Not even close.” I moved out on the floor again, dropped down to center my weight and waited for Thane to join me.

I gave him a second to assemble himself across from me before I moved in. Feinted a punch to his left shoulder while I sprung my knee up for his opposite side. He wasn't fooled by my trick, but was distracted long enough to be forced to hard-block my knee. I pushed in closer, something I wouldn't have chosen to do during normal circumstances. Thane was lethal at this range and my advantage over him was my longer reach and brute strength. Right now though, I didn't care, I just wanted to keep fighting. Being on the offensive, stepping into his personal space and forcing him backwards, felt great after having to defend for so long. One elbow aimed for his chin, which he easily caught, green thin fingers gripping my bicep like iron, left my soft side unprotected. Suddenly one of his legs were wrapped around my hip, the other ground down on my foot. My center of gravity shifted and as he threw himself backwards I had no choice but to follow. His free foot came up, caught me in the stomach and then I was in the air, launched by his strong leg muscles. I landed hard on my back, gasping for air. I still hadn't had a chance to move or react when he was looming over me, locking me in my place beneath him.

“That was not very well thought through,” he said with a subdued chuckle and his warm breath wafted over my face. He had my throat in a strong hold in a green hand, his other kept one of my wrists fast against the floor. Had this been a real fight I was sure he'd have snapped my neck by now. The power he held only made me respect him more. “A strategical error from the great Archangel?” One eye ridge crept upwards.

He was taunting me. Stupid green little man. A strong foot slid between his legs, hooked around his knee while I, with my free arm, broke his choke hold on me. I flipped us around and soon Thane found his shoulders locked down by my elbow. His hips were held down through my thigh between his legs that still had a firm grip around his knee. Sometimes having turian double jointed legs had its advantages.

“Maybe I wanted to feel you squirm,” I said, grinning with a flick of my mandibles as I looked down on him. I made sure to keep my weight off his chest, just in case. I was a heavy man.

“Maybe this would be an activity more suited for you and Shepard?” he quipped back and shifted his hips beneath me to get his point across.

Suddenly awkward about our precarious position I rolled off him and up on my feet.

“You just had to take it there, didn't you?” I tried to keep my voice humorous to not show that he had gotten under my skin.

Thane rolled up from the ground, turned and readied his stance with a grace you had to envy.

“Any weapon is fair when you find yourself on the floor,” he said with a slight grin. Then he attacked. Hit, block, ripost, kick, dodge and he pulled away again. “You should talk to her.” He sounded serious now.

I advanced, aiming a series of lightning fast strikes at his torso which he easily parried, before I drew back.

“No,” I answered.

That was the last thing we had the chance to say for a while. The fight got started for real. Thane pushed me in whichever way he chose. I might have been the best hand to hand specialist of my crew back in my military days. But the green assassin was a class of his own. If I managed to push him back I knew it was only because he let me. He had to pull back his skill to match mine when we fought. That he managed such a feat only spoke of how good he was.

A good while later we were both breathing hard as we retreated to our water bottles by the wall.

“It is not very fair to her,” Thane continued our earlier discussion.

On some unspoken cue we both started walking towards the doors. It was late, even for us, and it was time for bed.

“No, it's not.” I shook my head. “But what would you have me do?”

He was quiet for a while as we stepped into the elevator that would take us to the crew deck. The drell seemed to contemplate something.

“Your relationship is not exclusive, is it?” he asked, sliding a questioning glance in my direction.

I wasn't really happy where this was going, but I kept it to myself. What I had with Shepard was fragile, tentative and very early. It had started casually enough when she asked if I wanted to relieve some tension with her. Spirits knew we had both needed it. We had kept doing it, but never talked about if it meant something more. I wasn't sure myself. She was a good friend, the best I had during these harsh times. I would never want to screw that up.

“No, it's not,” I said.

The elevator started to move as the doors closed.

“Then maybe you should think about finding some other partner, for the time being. We don't have time for several hours of practice each day, as fun as it might be.”

I almost laughed. That was Thane in a nutshell. As spiritual as the guy was, he was still the most practical man I knew.

“I guess I could.” I pretended to think about it but the thought just didn't seem right to me. “But some other partner...” the doors to the elevator opened and we rounded the corner to head for the showers. Myself for a cold one and Thane for a warm one. “I'm just not interested. Sure I could take her out for a drink or two, but what's the point? It can never lead anywhere anyway...”

Then I saw the look on Thane's face. His features flattened out and grew smooth, not a hint of emotion in them. The closest to looking startled the drell would ever come, I imagined. I followed his gaze and felt my heart jump up in my throat.

 


	2. What is the Problem?

~ J.S ~

Now in hindsight I might have wanted to reconsider coming down from my loft. This was starting to develop into one of the worst nights in a long time. That was even taking into consideration our last mission. Were we'd had to spend the night without proper sleeping gear, on a god forsaken planet, because our sources had miscalculated how cold the barren planet became during the night. That was saying something.

It had started out as every other night, trying to fool me into relaxing so it could shut the trap behind me before I had a chance to suspect anything. I had signed some last minute reports, brushed my teeth and changed into my pajamas. A soft green thing with floral patterns. I still hadn't gotten back at Miranda for that one. The aquarium dimmed down as I watched the fish bunch up and fall asleep by the bottom. It looked so peaceful. Maybe I could consider becoming a fish? Fishes didn't have to deal with weird turians. Or maybe they did...

Sleep hadn't come to me. No matter how long I rolled around the bed, trying to find a comfortable position to relax in. Maybe I should just dive into the big tank and sleep, floating, by the bottom? Would I be able to fall asleep then? Would my mind stop prodding and over analyzing Garrus's behavior in life support earlier this evening? The whole lack of oxygen would be a good distraction if nothing else. Then again... I had already done the whole suffocation thing. Not a big hit all things considered.

I lost track of time as I lay there, my mind spinning faster than my body. But at one point my stomach had given me notice that it was hungry. It remembered a particularly tasty kind of cereal we picked up on our last supply trip. It had these dried purple things mixed in. I had no idea what they were, but they tasted sweet and sour all at once, and now when I had started to think about them I couldn't stop.

That was why I threw on something that wasn't green and flowery, without paying much attention to what it was. I didn't expect anyone to be in the mess hall. The graveyard shift was halfway into their time, but they were few and I had to have exceptionally bad luck to bump into any of them.

Turns out I was right on the bad luck deal.

I had just poured myself some milk and started to scoop up the delicious snack when I heard the elevator open.

“...I'm just not interested.” I heard Garrus flanging voice. I turned towards the walkway in time to see him and Thane round the corner. The bowl in my hands started to shake without me noticing. “Sure I could take her out for a drink or two, but what's the point?” My heart did a double flip in my chest before it got stuck in my throat. There it started to expand until it felt like I couldn't get any air. Maybe the tank idea wasn't so bad after all. “It can never lead anywhere anyway...” My heart grew cold, it felt like ice and winter and blizzards raging in my chest. Then it dropped, heavy and somehow dead, lacking motion, lacking life. I felt my knees starting to go weak and steeled them against the heavy weight of my body. I wasn't sure what my face was doing, I wasn't really in control.

Was that how he felt about us? Not interested? Never leading anywhere? What had the last couple of months been to him? Had I been wrong to suspect... When had I started to feel like this anyway? Why did it hurt so bad to hear him voice my insecurities? This wasn't some romantic saga. I didn't get a happy ending. In a short period of time we would all die anyway, for the good of the galaxy or whatever. It felt very far away at this moment. I didn't have time to fall in love. This was the worst timing to ever start a relationship. I knew that. So why...? Why did it feel like I wanted to run and hide and cry and claw at my chest. Rip out the hole that had abruptly been put there by a three fingered hand and a pair of mischievous piercing blue eyes. Why had he not told me anything? Was he really that afraid to say it to my face that he wanted to end it?

Anger then. Anger was easy, anger was safe. It felt good. Anything to distract me from the hole in my chest.

“I didn't expect anyone to be up.” Was that my controlled and even voice? It didn't exactly feel like my mine. It was foreign somehow, distant.

Garrus looked uneasy where he stood. He didn't openly squirm under my steady gaze, but I could tell from his tensing muscles he wanted to. It looked like he was ready to spring those strong sprinting legs at any moment and dash for safety.

They were both dressed in casual, soft clothes for easy movement. It was slightly distracting. How his shirt would cling just so around his shoulders. Since I knew how they looked when they hovered above me. Skin bared and muscles rippling underneath it as he moved.

I will never see that again, I guess. Someone stabbed a cold nail into the hole inside.

“We didn't wake you did we?” Thane looked just as relaxed as he always did. Hands clasped behind his back, his face unreadable. “We were quite loud and it is a small ship after all.” He gave Garrus a sideways glance.

Was it just my upset imagination or did he linger there a bit longer than usual when the turian met his eyes? Was I wrong to read a meaningful look in his big dark orbs?

Small pictures of exactly what kind of loud activities they had emerged themselves in floated unbidden into my mind. Thane was obviously sweaty, his green skin was gleaming in the low light of the mess. If turians had the ability to perspire I bet Garrus would have been in a similar state. There were something easier in his shoulders however. I was sure of it. Like someone had taken a load off them.

Yeah, those pictures weren't welcome at all, and yet it didn't seem as if I could force them to leave. Green tangled with silver gray on the hard cargo bay floor. The sound from Garrus rumbling chest. The purr-like sound I had come to find so titillating. It felt wrong that he would do it for anyone else. Now I was just being silly. They had probably only been working out. I shook my head to try to clear it.

“No,” I said in the same distant voice. My fingers started to buzz and tingle and as I looked down I found my skin white over the bowl's edges. I forced myself to be deliberately slow in my movements when I placed the food back down onto the counter. “I was awake, couldn't sleep. Figure I get some supper. I didn't know you guys would be awake.” I turned to them again.

“Yeah, we were just sparring. Needed to blow off some steam,” Garrus said, scratching one mandible as he did.

Sparring? Yes, that made sense. Training. I could recall they had done this together before. Blowing off some steam. With Thane. Although, right now my mind could only note that he hadn't come to me with this request. We used to spar too, didn't we? Before we found another way to loosen up that tension. Was I not good enough all of a sudden? Why did he exclude me?

Did he know how each word out of his mouth tore and clawed at the hole in my chest? He couldn't do this unintentionally, could he? It had to be too obvious.

Or maybe it was me who had been late with catching the hint? Well, I got it now. He wasn't interested, apparently. In sparring or other tension relievers. A small part of me that I didn't really want to listen to whispered that maybe he was more of a drell loving kind of man?

But then he opened his mouth again.

“We were just heading for the showers.” Garrus nodded towards the mens' bathroom down the corridor.

The pictures in my head changed. The scene was set with white tiles and chrome details. The sound was the shower hitting hard scales on a silver back. Steam rolling up their ankles as Thane's thick voice filled the room. Moans mixing with the spatter of water.

I rubbed my eyes with a forefinger and a thumb in a try to clean the images out. It didn't work. This was ridiculous. Truly I didn't believe the two of them had something going, did I?

But I was tired, hungry and hurt. I wanted to scream, I wanted to curse and hit his stupid face. Why would he do this to me? First make me care and then ignore me. Had I been that much of a disappointment for him in bed? He had said he enjoyed it. But I could only guess what was really going on in his head. It had been tender, sweet even at times. Not at all what I had expected if I were to listen to the rumors floating around about turian sex. Did Thane have something I lacked?

My eyes started to burn behind my hand. I couldn't take this any more and unless I was allowed to go completely berserk and hurt these men I couldn't stay here. It probably would be bad for the mission if two of my team ended up in the infirmary.

“As you were then,” I said and tried my damnedest to not let my voice waver. I almost succeeded. “I should probably try to get some sleep myself.”

Without meeting either of their gazes I marched to the opposite side of the elevator and disappeared behind the corner. Maybe a bit abrupt, but I couldn't linger any longer. I didn't want them to see the tears that would soon start to fall.

Why did it feel like I was always running away from those two today? Even worse, I was still hungry and my bowl of cereal was still on the counter. Probably getting just as mushy as I was about to become when I finally got up to my quarters.

~ G.V ~

It wasn't as if I expected her to always bring me along for missions. She was the Commander. She would make choices based on people's skills and what she thought she needed. I wasn't even surprised she choose not to bring me this time, not after last night. Not after the weird place we had been in the last week. Still, no matter how logical my brain told me it was, it didn't stop me from getting mad when I heard it during the briefing. I had to dig my claws into my palms to keep the building growl in my throat at bay. I knew she wanted to talk to me. I could see it in the way she looked at me during the meeting. A half hidden meaningful glint in her eyes asking: stay after, we need to talk.

I was the first one out of the briefing room when she dismissed us. I didn't dare to look back when I heard her hurried steps behind me. Anything, any little small thing, would have made me go off on her. I saw in the corner of my eye how Thane cast me a worried look. He understood, I knew. But I didn't need his pity, nor did I want it. Furthermore it didn't help that he would leave the ship in my place a couple of hours from now.

That's how I saw it. My place. Next to her. Next to Shepard.

It didn't help how if this... this... irritating, infuriating state hadn't come along it would be me down there on the planet making sure those punk ass bastards wouldn't put a bullet in her head. He would keep her safe, the logical side of my brain told me. Probably better than I could. But it didn't help.

The door slammed shut behind me a second before the growl in my throat unleashed. I spun around and hit the bulkhead next to EDI's terminal so hard I felt my fingers go numb. It gave way frustratingly little. Frustrated. Yes. I was frustrated. Back on Palaven this wouldn't have been an issue. It would have been a time of great joy even. A lot of fun and great laughs. Why did she have to be human? It made things so much more complicated.

A deep shaky breath later I leaned on the terminal. My muscles were tingling with adrenalin.

“Fuck,” I muttered to myself.

“Do you require assistance?” the chirpy voice of the ship's AI sang out.

“No, thank you EDI.” I had to force in some curtsey into my tone. But it came out rather weird. Growling didn't go well with sounding nice.

“You seem troubled,” she continued unfazed. “Do you require medical assistance?”

That made me laugh. The sardonic sound echoed slightly from the metal walls. Yes, having Chakwas poke around in my body right now was just what I needed. For this to become public knowledge on the Normandy. For people to know and to make fun.

“No, really not,” I replied.

It was easier now, to breath and to relax. Easier when EDI gave me a distraction and when _her_ smell wasn't all around me. I could do this. I could stay behind and let the others cover her flanks. No big deal.

Then the door chimed and let me know someone was out there and wanted in. Suddenly my entire body was on edge again. I just stared at the door, waiting for it to open at any second. I hadn't locked it. I hadn't had time for that. The door chimed again.

“It seems someone wants to be let in,” EDI supplied helpfully. “However you appear incapable of doing so, do you want me to open the door for you?”

“No!” I all but growled at her. “Don't... don't open the door. Or talk to...euhm... on the other side.”

I didn't need to hear her voice to know it was her and yet I cringed when she finally called out.

“Garrus!” Shepard's voice was muffled through the thick barricade but it still made my body react the way it always did. My stomach fluttering slightly. “Garrus! Open this damn door! I need to talk to you!”

“Go away!” I heard myself childishly reply.

“No, I will stand out here until you come out so we can figure this out.” She sounded irritated, but determined. I knew that voice. She would follow up on her threat. “You can't keep avoiding me.”

I hadn't even notice how I had neared the door, but now I was leaning my forehead against the cool metal. It felt nice.

“Shepard,” I started because I had to try. “Please, go away.” I wasn't exactly known to plead. I could never remember ever having done it in fact. But this was _her_ and I'd do anything to not hurt her.

Silence.

Then muffled steps as she turned and walked away.

I slid down the door with my back to it, leaning my forehead on my knees when I felt my behind hit the floor. I massaged my fringe to try to ease the tension there.

How the fuck would I get out of the hole I had dug for myself?

~ G.V ~

The wait for the ground team to come back was just as much of a nightmare as I had imagined. I paced the main battery trying to find something to occupy my thoughts. After the fifth try to calibrate the weapon system that failed and almost wrecked the whole program I gave up on work. I tried to upgrade my rifle, it almost ended just as badly.

All I could think about was Shepard, what she was doing and if she would come back alive and unscathed. I knew it was ridiculous to think this. Of course she would. She had been on hundreds of missions before she met me and since then bunch more that I didn't accompany her for. She could take care of herself. Besides, she had Thane. He would keep her safe if she failed. There was nothing in this operation that told of anything else than a regular recon. Easy. Infiltrate the base and get out. No problems.

I got to my feet with a barely contained growl and headed out to the mess for some food. I could eat right? That would make the time go a little faster?

Wrong. I could hardly swallow the stuff, and after getting one more weird glance from the xenophobic crew than I liked I gave up on that endeavor as well.

So I was pacing. My mind twirling from one possible catastrophe to the next. I didn't know how long it had been when EDI finally popped up in her corner.

“Officer Vakarian,” she said in her formal tone. “I thought you'd want to know that the shuttle had made contact with the ship. The shore party will be aboard shortly.”

I thanked the AI on the inside as I didn't have time to even voice my gratefulness before I was out through the door and almost sprinting down to the shuttle bay.

~ J.S ~

It still haunted me when I geared up and shipped out together with Thane and Grunt.

“ _Shepard. Please, go away.”_

A shiver ran down my spine and I shifted uncomfortably where I sat, leaning against the hull of the shuttle. His voice, although muffled through the battery door, had sounded so pleading, almost defeated. I had never heard that kind of sound coming from Garrus before. Something was definitely wrong with him. Why wouldn't he just talk to me? It couldn't be only how he didn't want to be with me anymore, could it? Was he afraid of how I would react? I slammed my head back against the wall. My helmet made a tonk-ing sound and I gained a questioning glance from Thane. I just shook my head. Of all people the drell was the last one I wanted to talk to about this.

I had brought him with me for a really childish reason. Not that I didn't think he wouldn't be useful during the mission. I did. A sniper and fighter of his caliber were never a bad choice. But mainly he came along because I didn't want to leave him and Garrus alone together on the ship. It was the most stupid thing I had ever done during my officer career, but I couldn't help myself. If I didn't bring either one of them I wouldn't be able to focus on the task at hand. So I told myself it was for my own peace of mind, that in the long run would benefit our work. In a way it was true. The other choice would have been to bring Garrus and that obviously wasn't an option at the moment. If he wouldn't even talk to me, then how would we be able to work together on the field?

I didn't know how to act around the green assassin at first. But Thane didn't behave in any way shape or form different from earlier. Like we, if my suspicion was right, didn't share a bed partner and that this wasn't incredibly embarrassing. He didn't hint or imply in the slightest how he had won the turian from me. Maybe he wouldn't. He was a friend after all and wasn't one to gloat. It just didn't seem to be in him. He was the most humble man I knew. Or maybe again, I just couldn't read him.

As the mission moved on, without nothing out of the ordinary happening. We shot some bad guys, gathered some intelligence and was out of there before they knew what hit them. I started to ease up around my mysterious team mate. Maybe we could move past this. Maybe not everyone would act as crazy as a certain turian. We were grownups after all and I started to feel ashamed over my own reactions. Everything was just so up in the air and sometimes I felt stretched way to far.

As we docked back on the Normandy I was looking forward to a hot shower and some peace and quiet. The planet had been a heap of dirt and the winds traveling over the surface had done nothing but sneak in earth in every crevice of my armor. I had sand and grime in places I wasn't even aware I had. I was walking alongside the drell, discussing our upcoming plans. It was one thing to get the information, a whole other to know what to do with it. As Thane was somewhat of an expert on the subject of secrets I felt he perhaps could give me some insight.

We might have shared a laugh or two, both relieved our undertaking had been successful and we had a smile on our faces. I had no time to react when a fist flew past my head. The ever vigilant drell dodged the blow without even blinking, but wasn't fast enough to move away from the hand gripping his jacket.

He was hurled into the nearest wall with a loud bang, the fuming turian short to follow. Garrus towered in all his rage driven length over the small green man. Grabbed his jacket once more and pushed him up the wall. A savage growl rolled out through bared, pointed teeth.

“What in flying monkeys on whittled sticks are you doing?” I cried out and squeezed myself between the two men.

I had to grab Garrus' arms and tear them away from Thane. He seemed to not hear how I screamed for him to let go. At last I managed to pry his strong fingers off the leather jacket through sticking a sharp hand in the soft part of his waist. It was a cheap shot, but Garrus had himself showed it to me once. It would hurt like hell, but do minimal damage. At the same time I bent his fingers from their grip. I pushed with both my hands on his shoulders, making him stumble backwards and double over his hurt side.

“What the hell?” I fixed him with a stern gaze. There was something wild in his eyes, something not entirely turian. But I didn't have time to dwell on it as I heard Thane take a few struggling gasps behind me. “You, get the fuck out of here.” I pointed towards the main battery. Not having it in me to watch if he choose to follow the order or not I turned around to take care of the coughing drell. I slid an arm around his shoulders and Thane rested on me for a while as his breathing started to even out again. “You gonna be okay?”

He nodded.

“Yes.” Another cough. “He simply knocked the wind out of me,” he said and untangled himself from my arms. “I assure you, I will be fine.”

He was a proud man, this alien, and I let him go to gather himself on his own. But when he choose to stabilize his gait on the wall as he walked towards life support I decided to come with him. Not that I thought he was in any real danger. But just the same I wanted to make sure he made it to his quarters okay.

I walked by his side on a respectable distance, but he didn't need any more help. Now when he got his breathing under control again he seemed to be fine.

“Weird that, I don't know what is wrong with him,” I said as the door to the life support slid open.

Thane turned to me and rested one hand on the door frame. He pursed his lips like he was considering something.

“I do not blame him,” he said after a while. “He reacted naturally enough, for a turian.” There were so much there, hidden under his tone. Like he knew what was up with our silver plated friend.

I wanted to ask, desperately, to find out what he knew and what he obviously choose not to tell me. This entire thing had my brain up side down. Why would he attack Thane like that out of the blue? Nothing of this made any sense and what was that wild thing in his eyes?

But I couldn't push the drell now. We were both tired from the mission and at least I was in dire need of a shower. So I let it go, for now.

“Okay,” I said. Fully committed to pry the information out of him later. “I will come check on you in a while?”

“I do not need a nurse, Shepard.” If his voice hadn't been so humble it would have sounded as if he took offense.

“Still though... Just in case...” I started to back off, giving him a smile as I did. “I'll drop by in a few hours.”

I turned before he had the chance to object again and steered my way towards the showers.

 


	3. Tell Me the Problem

~ T.K ~

“He's been acting so strange.” Shepard was pacing around the room, gesturing wildly as she went. I sat by my desk, fingers entwined and hands resting in front of me. I watched as she turned around again, continuing back the same path she just came.

It was somewhat ironic, how both of them had chosen to come to me to lighten their hearts. First Garrus, a day or so ago. He had sat down across from me, looking as uncomfortable as I'd ever seen him. The problem he put out on the table could sound ridiculous for some people. I knew better. I had been there, so I knew not to laugh.

But when Shepard had entered life support with the pretext of checking on me after my clash with the turian I didn't know what to think. They were both friends, closer than I'd had in many, many years. Garrus had come to me with something he trusted me to keep secret. I would never betray his trust. But the problem lay in that I myself thought the best option for the two to solve their trouble was to let Shepard know about it. From my experience she was a very understanding woman. But my hard scaled friend had refused, on more than one occasion, when I suggested he tell her. He was a proud man and apparently thought that this woman would stop respecting him if she found out.

Maybe I wasn't one to talk. My own relationship hadn't always been the smoothest one either. It nevertheless seemed to me that this might be an interspecies relationship misunderstanding.

“He won't see me, he won't talk to me, he will almost not even look at me.” Shepard stopped behind the chair on the opposite side of the table and leaned on it heavily. Her knuckles whitened as she gripped it tightly. She was upset, and understandably so.

“I do not know what to tell you,” I said calmly, trying to instill in her the same feeling.

She just snorted.

“I know, you know,” she said and glared at me. But the core of the heat in her eyes was not aimed at me and it took the edge off the look a little. “I know you know what is wrong with him.” I remained silent. “He must have told you, or you figured it out.” She was growing more frustrated by the minute, I could tell from how she gnashed her teeth. She kept it together rather well, I thought, considering.

“I am sorry,” I said. Meeting her troubled eyes head on. “But it is not my place to tell.”

She growled and pushed away from the chair.

“Then who will?” Shepard threw out her arms in the air. I had no answer for that, so I gave none. She sighed deeply, her hands slapping down on her thighs. She turned towards me again as she rubbed her forehead. “He won't.” She looked up again and I could see how much it troubled her. My sympathies reached out to her but I could do little to soothe them. “Anyway...” The red hair bounced when she shook her head. “Thanks for listening.”

I gave her a smile.

“Any time, Shepard,” I told her.

She smiled back and as she walked by me she patted me on my shoulder.

“See you in the morning,” she said as she opened the door behind me.

“Good night.”

~ T.K ~

It couldn't have been more than one hours or so until I got another visitor. I had sat down on the floor to find some piece inside through meditation, but I hadn't gotten very deep yet when a polite ringing called out to me.

"Come in," I responded without moving.

But the door didn't open. Instead I heard the intercom chime to life.

"Is her smell still all over you and your room?" Garrus voice asked, slightly distorted through the speakers.

I took a moment to let the olfactory senses register.

"Yes," I answered simply.

"Then perhaps I should stay out here," the deep turian voice came again.

"It must be getting bad if you can't even smell her," I mused. My insides wanted to laugh at his predicament and the extent of the precautions he took to prevent her from knowing. But if I had been in his shoes I would not have wanted my friend to laugh.

"Oh yeah..." he sighed and I heard a low 'tunk' against the wall, then a small 'thud' on the floor, from his armor hitting the surface.

It was late into the graveyard shift and most of the human crew were asleep. Garrus and I had noticed that both drell and turian sleep patterns were rather different from out pink hosts. Both our planets got so warm during midday you could not do much else but sleep. Our races had adapted accordingly. Leaving us up and awake long after the last human.

"I'm sorry about earlier today." Garrus voice cut through my thoughts.

"It was an understandable reaction given the circumstances." Really, I didn't blame him. I had myself been under the same influence several times during my lifetime.

"That's no excuse," Garrus gruffed on the other side of the door. "I should have been able to control myself. I mean..." He paused for a moment and I quietly waited for him to continue. I had noticed that with this turian, silence was the best motivator to keep him talking. An old and tried interrogation technique, but it worked well. He had trouble expressing himself in matters such as these and I would not make things harder for him by interrupting.

“You are a friend, I didn't want to hurt you,” he finished finally. I interpreted his lower dual tones as regretful. But also thankful, maybe because he was finished apologizing. Or maybe because he had the door between us as an excuse to not have to look at me when he did so. I bet it was the latter. The corner of my mouth twitched on it's own accord.

“You are forgiven,” I offered.

“Thanks.”

Silence stretched between us, but it was not unpleasant. We were good enough friends by now, a friendship forged on the battlefield, of similar interest and foremost from respect of the other's skills, to not have to fill it with mindless chatter. None of us were really the talkative type. An attribute I appreciated in the gray turian.

“You are aware we have an upcoming shore leave on Omega soon, don't you?” I asked as the thought struck me.

“I heard,” Garrus answered.

“You know the Commander will spend it together with the rest of the crew at Afterlife.” It wasn't really a question. Of course he knew. She always did, and he normally spent it there with her.

“Yes, I suspect she will.”

“Maybe you shouldn't go,” I suggested. “Seeing how a simple smile set you off earlier.”

A cynical laugh echoed through the communicator.

“Unless someone locks me up, I don't see that happening,” Garrus said.

“That could be arranged, I guess.” I let a bit of humor show in my voice. He laughed.

“Oh thanks. I hope you are prepared to pay for the damages after a deranged turian have been set loose. Just what Cerberus would want to prove a point. I would go stir crazy not knowing what pathetic piece of human trash tries to pick her up.” There was a real threat of promised pain at the end of the sentence.

“Your narrow mindedness astound me, my friend. It could be anything trying to pick her up. Asari, Krogan, Turian... She is the adventurous type, or so I have heard.” I knew it was evil to tease him, but he simply made it too easy.

“Oh, don't even go there.” He sounded almost defeated. “If a turian tried to pick her up right now... Spirits, I don't know what I'd do.”

“This leads us back to my original question I'm afraid. People will take an interest in our dear Commander. And unless you plan to instigate a bar brawl over every look she gets...”

“You know, that doesn't sound so bad to me.” This time the corner of my mouth more than twitched.

“Garrus...” I implored him carefully.

“Yes, yes, I know,” he scoffed. “Still, I can't not go.” He grew quiet for a while. “Would you... I mean if you don't have any plans...” The gray turian quieted again.

“I do not have any plans, no,” I filled the silence.

“Would you mind making sure I don't make a complete ass of myself?” he sounded carefully optimistic. It was sweet really.

“I'm not sure I'm the right man for the job,” I mused while mulling over what the task might entail.

“Oh, come on Thane, there can't be any man more smooth than you. Besides... You're the only one I have no doubt of could take me out if I got out of hand.”

That actually drew a laugh out of me. His logic was sound though.

“Your fate in my abilities are flattering.”

“So that's a yes?” Garrus asked.

“Yes.” I returned to my stoic mask.

“Thank you,” he said with a relieved sigh.

“Any time.”

~ G.V ~

A couple of days later and shore leave left us on Omega. I didn't exactly have happy memories about the old rock. If I had never seen it again, I wouldn't have minded one bit whatsoever. When I sat foot on the station this time, I wasn't much more optimistic about my chances than last. Didn't seem like I had much of a choice though. It would drive me insane to stay on the ship.

Thane walked by my side as we entered the club belonging to the queen of Omega. Hands clasped behind his back and the leather coat swaying with his steps. Like walking unarmored in one of the most dangerous places in the universe was the most natural thing for him. Myself felt a bit naked without my blue hard outer shell. But apparently we were here to have fun, and then full armor wasn't appropriate. _Apparently._ Or so the green little man had told me when I showed up by the airlock at our predesignated time, just as unprepared to tackle tonight as I had been for several days. I was in the peak of my cycle right now and my entire body felt jittery and on edge. It was simply laid out for disaster.

I tried to take my mind off the whole thing as we ordered a pair of drinks at the bar and made our way to an unoccupied booth. The base from the music could be felt in my chest and it took a while for my eyes to acclimate to the dancing lights. I took a careful sip on my drink. It was potent. I had to be careful. It wasn't as if I needed much of a boost to loose control right now. But I trusted Thane to keep me out of too much trouble.

“See,” he said beside me as if he had read my mind. “You made your way across the whole room and you haven't ripped a single head from their body yet. I'm impressed.”

He was teasing me. Probably to lighten the mood. I was sure he could sense how tense I was. I gave him a halfhearted flick with my mandibles.

“Just wait until Shepard gets here. You'll have reason to knock me unconscious yet,” I replied dryly as I swept my eyes over the crowd. Where was she anyway? It made me nervous to not be aware where she was at all times. Silly as it may sound.

“I hope it doesn't come to that,” Thane said and scanned the moving mass of bodies with me.

“Lets hope.” I didn't have big hope about it.

“By the bar,” he said after a while. “She just arrived together with Tali and the Yeoman.”

I easily found her flaming red hair next to the quarian's purple hood. I settled in a bit more comfortably in the soft cushions of the sofa. It was one of the perks with having a friend who also was a sniper. Both of us were drawn to lookout points in secluded corners. It just came natural. From here I would be able to watch her without being obvious about it.

It actually didn't go so bad in the beginning. Shepard kept by the bar, talking to whatever crew member that happened to pass by and Thane and I shared a quiet discussion about sniper mods. After the second drink I had even started to relax a bit more. Now and again I threw an eye over towards her to assure me she was still there, but could mostly put her out of my mind. Well... as much out of my mind as she ever was anyway.

Somewhere into the third drink I threw one of those quick glances at her, but this time my whole body jolted to attention when I couldn't locate her. Where was she? She had been there just a couple of minutes ago.

“Do not run off,” Thane said calmly and eyed me carefully. “She is on her way here.”

That's when I found her. Shepard was forcing her way through the crowd, her face determined. Yes, she was on her way here.

“You saw her leave,” I muttered.

“Yes,” he responded simply.

I let out a low growl. Thane wanted me to talk to her. He had tried to make me sort things out with her ever since this whole nonsense started. I just wanted to wait it out and go back to normal again. But now he had cornered me. I couldn't bolt without her noticing. It was one thing to hide behind a closed door. I didn't do so willingly either really. But she had left me little choice.

“You'll pay for this,” I muttered and met her eyes when she was only a couple of meters off. I felt my heart start to beat faster.

“So you say...” Thane took a sip of his drink and hid his grin behind the edge of the glass.

“Hey guys.” Shepard stopped in front of our table. “Mind if I join you?” Before I could say anything, the deceiving little toad had shuffled further in over the sofa, sitting now next to me and giving Shepard room to sit down.

Closing both hands around her glass she pierced me with a look.

“Hey,” she said, the intensity in her eyes threw down any and all walls I had, pathetic as they may have been, and dove deep into me.

“Hey,” I answered but didn't know how to continue.

The tense air around us grew for a moment.

“I should leave the two of you alone,” Thane said suddenly and started to shuffle his way out of the booth, but I was in the way.

My heart did a back flip in fear. I didn't know what I'd do if I was left alone with her. As alone as one could be in a club full of people anyway. The secluded corner seemed at once a very stupid choice to spend the evening. I wanted to be out there, surrounded by people. Somewhere where I could be distracted from everything I wanted to do to the woman who sat here in front of me.

My hand shot out before I could stop it. It landed on Thane's thigh, where it forced him to sit down again. The sudden move made Shepard's eyes drop from mine and dart over to my hand. I didn't move it. I was locked in place by my tensing muscles.

“Look, Garrus,” she said and tore her eyes away from where they were latched. “It is obvious that you have something to tell me.”

A knot started to form in my throat as I desperately tried to keep my eyes from her neck and shoulders. It wasn't made easy in how she had chosen to dress in a tight fitting top with only a pair of thin shoulder-straps holding it in place. It left her skin so exposed.

“I uhm...” I stammered. “It is...” I shifted uncomfortably where I sat. I really didn't want to tell her. Somehow she didn't know already about it and telling her now... It just felt as if I did she would come to look at me differently. Like I was some kind of animal. I could never forgive myself if she lost her respect for me. It was all I had. She was the only thing that had held me together after I lost my team, here, on Omega. I could never thank her enough for that. Or all the other things she had done for me. Hell, she had changed my life from the moment I first saw her. I had no idea where I would be without her, and I would do anything in my power to not loose her.

“Come on!” she bristled, frustrated. “After how you've treated me the past week you owe me some kind of explanation.”

Fuck. Shame, sharp and painful. I didn't deal well with shame, never had.

It must have showed because next I knew a green hand grasped my upper arm. Silently my friend tried to support me and I was able to gather so much courage I had almost formed a sentence when I saw her eyes.

They were locked on Thane's hand on my arm. First they seemed empty, her whole body still, and then something that I could only interpret as understanding dawned in them.

“Okay,” she said. Her voice short and choppy. “I get it. You don't have to... I get it. I'll leave you alone now.” Shepard was up on her feet and out of the boot faster than I could react.

I turned towards Thane, confused.

“What just happened?” I asked.

“Oh, dear...” he breathed.

First the inner of his lids slid close and then the outer. The drell looked so stunned my stomach started to turn. Had she just thought what I thought she had? She couldn't right? That was just ridiculous.

“Go,” Thane hissed fiercely. “You have to run after her...”

I didn't hear any more. I was already up and away almost before he had a chance to open his mouth. I stumbled as vertigo came over me. I hadn't realized how much the alcohol had affected me while sitting down. I whirled around, scanning the crowd desperate to locate her. I saw her red hair bounce on her shoulders as she squeezed between a couple of dancing turians.

One of them, a big turian man, with wider shoulders than was normal even for my species grabbed her arm when he saw her. His mouth moved as he spoke and a tell tale grin spread his mandibles apart. I didn't like the look he gave her.

It was enough for a blue hue to start to creep into the corners of my eyes. A deep growl escalated in my chest as I propelled my way over there, throwing people aside in my path. I didn't even hear the upset curses that followed me over my blood pumping in my ears.

Shepard had started to tug her arm away from the large turian's grip with an irritated look on her face. I didn't hesitate before I tightened my hand into a fist and slammed it into the man's soft side. He doubled over with a deep 'oof' but let go of Shepard's arm.

“Don't you fucking touch her,” I snarled between sharp teeth. My talons itched to tear this asshole apart, limb from limb.

He straightened to his full length in front of me as he bared his teeth. He was at least half a head taller than me, with sharp yellow eyes and dark marks lining away from them and over his fringe. He growled deep in his throat and I took the challenge head on. There was no way I was backing down, not with _her_. I straightened and stepped forward, letting my rumble out of my chest in an aggressive show, meeting his eyes head on. He was truly big, I didn't care.

“Or what?” he sneered, apparently unperturbed by my threats. “I don't see a mark on her.”

“She's _mine_ ,” I snarled and took another step forward, forcing my way into his space.

A shadow by my side made me aware how Thane moved up behind me. I chanced a glance in his direction. His jacket had been left somewhere, showing off his muscular arms and shoulders, the black marks defining their shapes under the green skin. Although he wasn't openly glaring at the turian there was a threatening feel to his presence. More so than I had ever thought he would be able to pull of. He would back me up, I knew, as would I if our places were ever the opposite.

The large turian cast his eyes at my apparent backup, his snarl faltering in his throat. He didn't seem up to take on the both of us.

With a last growl he looked at me.

“Whatever,” he said and turned away, making his way into the crowd again.

“Sorry,” came Thane's soft voice at my side. “I didn't think that bar brawl was the best of ideas.” I could answer him later. My attention now lay on the woman I had defended.

_My_ woman.

Shepard looked at me with big eyes, but I couldn't read them. Feelings shifted over her features too fast for me to read in her alien face. But then she started to back off and ran for the exit.

“Shepard!” I called and moved to catch up with her.

It wasn't far to the ship and although I had the longer legs I didn't manage to reach her before she had stepped into the airlock and the contamination cycle already had started. I growled in frustration as I was forced to wait my turn for the cycle to run its course. I needed to get to her. Needed to explain. I didn't care any more if she thought me an animal. I just needed to see her. To touch her, to... I forced those thoughts out of my mind. She would never let me. Not after how I had treated her.

When I finally got out of the airlock and into the ship she was already gone from the CIC, but it didn't take a genius to figure out where she had escaped to. With determined steps I headed for the elevator.


	4. I'll Tell You the Problem

The door to the Commander's cabin was of course locked, the door panel shining red. I couldn't let that deter me now, not when fear was making my stomach knot and twirl within me. I couldn't loose her. I just couldn't.

I banked on the door. No answer.

“Shepard!” I called. “Let me in.”

“Go away!” came her muffled voice from the other side and I had the sudden feeling of deja vu, only from the wrong side of the door.

If that's how she wanted to play it. I called up my omnitool and quickly hacked her lock. It only took me a few seconds, for lets face it, compared to some of the mechanics I hacked on a regular basis, the security on the Normandy wasn't exactly advanced. The door swooshed open.

“... the fuck!” Shepard ran up the short stairs to her office area and the small corridor leading to the door. “How the fuck dare you!” She yelled furiously and stared at me with burning eyes. “You asshole!”

Far back in my head a small voice said that this might not have been the best way to go about starting this conversation. Unfortunately I didn't see how I had much of a choice.

“Shepard, listen,” I started but she cut me off.

“No, oh no! Now you want to talk?” She gestured with her hands in the air, shaking her head in disbelief. “You've had your chance, Vakarian! Get the hell out of my quarters!”

My stomach did a back flip and my heart stopped beating in my chest. Was it really to late? It couldn't be. Please tell me it wasn't.

“No, you have to listen.” I hurriedly tripped over my own words. Trying, wanting, needing to make her understand.

“First you make me care,” she started and pointed an aggressive finger towards me. “Then you ignore me.” He voice was harsh and the cold fury beneath it was terrifying as she took a few steps closer. “Then you saunter around with your new lover by your side like some...” Her voice broke. “I could have accepted if you wanted to be with Thane if you would just have...”

“Thane?” I interrupted her. She was nuts. She really thought...? “Thane is just a friend. I wouldn't... I'm not... Shepard, really?”

Her cheeks turned blushy red, but the fire was still in her features. She pushed in on my space and stared me dead in the eyes, inches from my face.

“What would you have me think?” she spat.

Oh no, this was to close, way to close. I tried to back up, but there wasn't really any room to move. Her scent washed over me in waves and I was drowning in it. It was making my head spin and my gut burn. She was so close and all I wanted, all I could think off, was grabbing her and... A low growl started deep in my chest. Her skin was so exposed and thin and I could almost taste it on my tongue. Her slender neck taunting me.

“Vakarian!” she growled when I didn't respond.

My eyes snapped to her face and there was those tender, supple lips I knew so well by now. I knew how they felt pressed against my own. How they could bend and wrap around me and make me scream.

The growl in my chest rose and I couldn't stop myself as I snaked a hand in behind her head. My fingers curled around red silken locks and I pushed her forward until our mouths crashed together. Shepard let out a surprised little noise and I felt hands push against my chest, trying to get me off. But I couldn't stop now. Now that I finally had her here, after night after night dreaming about her and longing to touch her. My other arm wrapped around her, my hand pushing against the small of her back and forcing her flush against me. Just the feel of her. Spirits, so small and soft and warm in my arms. A violent shudder went through my body.

Shepard turned her head away from my lips and looked at me from the corner of her eyes. Shock and apprehensiveness written clear in them.

“What are you...” she started but I captured her mouth with mine again. Teeth slightly nipping her lips and tongue darting out to gain access.

My hands hurried along her body, trying to feel all of her at once. Pulling and pushing her to get her impossibly closer to me. I wanted her so desperately my body almost screamed for her. Then the smell of her arousal hit my nose and her mouth opened and finally let me taste her. Our tongues meeting, our breaths coming quick and ragged out of us. I let her swallow my moan and started to push her back through the room.

In my hurry to get her to the bed I stumbled on the stair. I hadn't let her go yet and it ended up with us crashing into the aquarium. It had to do. I needed access to more skin _now_ and taking off her clothes the normal way just took too much time. Fabric ripping filled the air as the black little top she had on met my claws. It fluttered useless to the floor at the same time I left her lips and trailed her neck down with my tongue. I just couldn't get enough of her. She smelled so incredible and her breath against the side of my neck sent shivers through me.

“You'll pay for that.” But the tone of her voice wasn't in any way threatening as I captured one of her breasts in my hand and squeezed.

“Promises, promises,” I breathed and my lower harmonics vibrated with lust. I played with her breast and kissed and nipped her collarbone, down over the soft mounds and back up to her neck again, lavishing her skin with my tongue. All the while her breath quickened and soft, high pitched, whimpers came out of her. I could listen to those sounds all day long. Especially if she kept gripping my fringe like that.

My plates were rapidly shifting open and this wasn't enough any more. My heart was thudding in my ears as I pulled the shirt I had on over my head, not bothering with the buttons, they took too long. The cloth hadn't even had a chance to hit the floor before my claws were at her belt. Quickly undoing the buckle and buttons, my movement shaky from want.

“Hey, hey,” she said and started to grab my hands and wrist in a try to slow me down. “What's the rush sailor?”

I couldn't answer. I couldn't even get the thoughts assembled enough to form a response. Her smell and warmth made me heady and all I could think about was being inside of her. _Now_. Preferably sooner. For all her skill in combat the human woman didn't have a chance against a turian man in his prime when it came to strength and I almost didn't even bother to slap her hands away.

There, her pants was open and my hand went inside her underwear and my mouth found the thin skin on her neck again. I pressed my chest against her to feel her warmth along my body and when my fingers started to do the dance they knew so well by now her hands just fell away. A groan escaped her and her back hit the aquarium glass behind it. I tried my damnedest to not simply rip her pants off as well and take her rough right here. Even though it was hard. Hard, and uncomfortably tight in my pants right now. It wanted to feel the same slick heat my fingers were toying with and... Spirits! My teeth dug down into her skin where neck met shoulder as I tried to stifle a desperate, tormented keening sound that forced it's way out of my throat. A finger slipped inside her and the shaky breath next to my ear took my attention away from how the salty taste hit my tongue.

I could feel her shiver in my arms and I let go of her shoulder with my teeth. The red dripped down my chin and it felt great. The smell of her blood mixing in the air together with sweat and our combined arousal called to me. To a deep, dark and not often spoken about, part of me. It wanted out, it wanted to play and feast and it had Shepard as a likely candidate for both.

Her hands were trembling at my waist, undoing my pants. Finally, finally I could let it out. I more or less tore her pants down her legs and only gave her enough time to step out of them before I hefted her up with strong hands around her thighs. My claws sunk deep into her muscles and got a firm and steady grip. I pinned her against the tank with my upper body before I searched for her opening without even bothering to pull my pants all the way down. They had slipped a little off my hips, just enough so I wasn't bothered by them.

There it was, moist and warm and... My heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to hammer it's way through my ribcage. There really had been so long since I last lost myself like this. I had forgotten what an incredibly feeling it was to simply let go and let instinct take over.

My mouth found hers at the same time I pushed into her, but I had almost not even time to taste her before she threw her head back and called out. Her thin fingers were clawing at my neck and every little thing she did. From how her legs rubbed my waist to how she arched into my body felt great. I ground my teeth together and snarled as I pushed in further. Holding back the pleasure that wanted to well up and sweep my feet away.

The snarl built into an all out growl when I started to pull back again. My head was spinning from how wonderful she felt. So tight I almost thought I wouldn't be able to fit. Her soft insides molding to wrap snugly around me.

“Fuck Garrus,” she moaned as I started to thrust into her.

There was no holding back as I usually did, no slow buildup to draw the moment out. I couldn't think any more, my mind solely focused on one goal. To draw as much pleasure as I could from the sweet friction I found within her. I could feel the blood from the wounds on her thighs, where I was holding her in place with my claws, drip warmly over my fingers. I drove into her harder, faster, the fire steadily building in my gut. I was only distantly aware how Shepard moaned each time my hips met hers. How she desperately clawed at my neck and shoulders, her face contorted in pleasure, eyes tightly closed.

There it was, the glorious tension I was looking for. It pushed little by little up through me until I thought I was going to faint if it didn't hit soon. But it did. It exploded and all I could see for a moment was the white blinking lights in front of my eyes. Through the buzzing noise in my ears I heard Shepard scream, high pitched and beautiful. My own throat tightened as I convulsed inside of her, drawing a guttural sound out of me.

“Holy shit,” she laughed, high on endorphins. “What was...”

Shepard didn't get much further before I turned us, still holding her up, and threw her on the bed. She squeaked in surprise when she landed, bouncing slightly on the soft covers. I scrambled out of my pants as fast as I could. The only thought in my head to be inside her again. I wanted more. I couldn't get enough. The high still rolling through my body and the only thing I could think about was to hunt down another one.

I crawled up over the bed after her, pulled her ankle to meet me halfway. Turned her around and with one hand around her hips pushed her up on her knees, the other already lining myself up with her again. I was still rock solid and when my hot, blood filled limb touched her inner thigh she turned her head and gave me a confused look. I had never lasted more than one orgasm before. Granted the circumstances were quite different now.

The question that was playing on her lips disappeared in a bit down utterance as I buried my entire length inside of her again. Both me and her were still slick from our combined fluids and it was like sliding into a little bit of heaven. I rumbled contently in my chest as I started to move again, setting a comfortable , lazy rhythm. My hands stroking her back and sides and everywhere over the pale expanse of soft skin they could reach. The embers in my stomach getting more fuel for the fire with every thrust.

The rumble still reverberating in my chest I leaned forward and pressed my body to hers, keeping her pinned to the bed, as I took a decisive grip of her hips and pushed in deep. Her hands flew out in front of her and gripped the sheets until her knuckles whitened. I picked up the pace as I felt her tighten slightly around me. I groaned against her neck, her hair covering my face teasing my nose with her scent. Her skin too delicious to pass up I ran my tongue over it, enjoying the taste and feel.

Shepard was just so good I could almost not stand it and I simply wanted more of her all the time. With one hand still on her shoulder, keeping her pressed into the covers, I rose up on my knees again. The other hand tilting her hips for a better angle. I penetrated as deep as I could and she called out, our moans mingling around us. Mine low and rough and hers high and soft. Oh Spirits I wanted to hear more of those sounds.

Her body was so squeezable, muscles rippling and giving away under my fingers as I ran them roughly from her shoulder down her back. Drawing her in further towards me. My hunger for her was insatiable and I let out a keening thrill in my desperation for her. My talons dug into her back and red blood pooled in the furrows I left down it. The smell danced above us and made my head spin.

I lifted one of my knees and put my foot on the bed, giving myself better leverage to pound into her. The pace I kept made our breaths come out in harsh sharp pants.

“Garrus,” she whimpered beneath me. Shepard turned her head and looked at me sideways, her eyes glass like in the low light, her brows furrowed.

I leaned down, the hand not keeping her hip locked into position nestled it's way under her arm and grabbed hold of her shoulder. I licked it, trailing nips and kisses up her neck to her cheek. Licking the corner of her mouth. Spirits, I loved this woman. Her complete trust in me blatantly obvious in those deep green eyes of hers. Something hot stirred within my chest and blossomed out through my body.

All of a sudden the intensity in our joining changed. My hips slowed, drawing all the way out before going deep inside again. She cried out with each impact and closed her eyes tight. This woman. All soft and warm and just so damn pliable in my arms... I would never risk loosing her again.

My lips found her neck, the wound from earlier still red. I dug my teeth in deep, marking her as mine. Because, fuck it, I would make damn sure no one else ever so much as considered taking her away from me again.

I growled deep in my throat and that's when I felt her squeeze around me. The last thrust sending me tripping over the edge, my roar muffled in her neck. My body shook with the intensity as my muscles spasm all throughout it. I came apart and shot into her, her voice filling my ears as I felt like I was becoming so light I was about to float away into space. Wave after wave rolled like shocks through me, emptying me completely.

After what felt like an eternity at least halfway to heaven I came back to my body. My heart was beating like a sledgehammer, slowly slowing down as I drew in the breath I wasn't aware I was holding. I blinked the last dots in front my eyes away from my cornea and slipped out of her. I rolled to my side, hoping I hadn't already crushed her under my weight.

Shepard was panting, fingers still clutching the bedspread, as she opened her eyes and looked at me with incredulously. Her hips fell down onto the bed and she bade a sound as if in pain.

That's when I comprehended the reason for the underlying smell mixed in with our scents. Her blood. Oh fuck... What had I done?

I sat up, feeling my muscles protest from the earlier exertion, and looked around. Shepard's bed was in shambles. My talons had dug into the covers and torn them apart during our passion. On top of that they were red from her blood. Her back looked like someone had used it as a scratching post and her hips were already starting to bruise.

My heart frozen in my chest I stumbled out of bed and ran for the bathroom. As I grabbed the medi-gel out of the cabinet my hands shook so bad I almost dropped it. When I shut the door and I saw my own face in the mirror and it made my knees go weak. All around my mouth there was the red hue of levo-based blood. My teeth and tongue were drenched in the stuff. Still shaking I looked down on my hands and chest. It didn't help calm me in the least.

Ears abuzz with white noise I turned on the water and started to clean off in a panic. My head was spinning and I had to lean on the counter and remind myself to breathe. It wasn't easy when I saw the diluted red swirl down the sink. There were just so much of it.

Spirits, what had I done? How could I have hurt her like that? Maybe she _should_ see me as an animal. I certainly did now. Shepard would never want to look at me again after this. I felt sick to my stomach. How mad was she? Would she throw me off the ship? Hell, I almost hoped she would. I was not worthy to be here, not after what I had just done.

I swallowed down a huge lump in my throat and grabbed the gel again. I steeled myself the best I could as I opened the bathroom door and walked out towards the bed.

Shepard lay still on the blankets, her cheek resting on a pillow and her face unreadable. She studied me silently. All I wanted to do was to turn around and run, but no one would ever be able to say that the Vakarian's were cowards. I had a whole row of other, less pleasant, words waiting for me to describe myself with right now, but coward was not one of them. I stopped by her bed and reached out for her to take the 'gel.

“I...” My voice cracked and the sound cut into my ears. It was to loud for some reason. I cleared my throat. “I... I'm sorry. I guess I'll be going now and... and if you want me off the ship I understand.” I dropped the medi-gel next to her on the bed and started to turn but her hand shot out and snatched my wrist. I stopped mid-step and pulled a shaky breath. I didn't want to see the disappointment and anger in her eyes. Wasn't it enough that I had to live with myself after what I'd done to her? No, no this was perhaps a fitting punishment. To meet the eyes of the one I respected most in the entire galaxy and see the pain in them knowing I had put it there.

I turned back to her, readying myself for the accusations, the anger. But it wasn't there. Her face was apprehensive, but it wasn't fear I saw in it, not really. I didn't understand.

“I can't reach all over my back,” she said after what seemed like an eternity of tense silence. Shepard sat up with a groan and grabbed the 'gel, turned around and waited for me to start apply it on her skin.

How could she still stand for me to touch her?

When I didn't move she opened the 'gel pack and held it out for me. Okay... I guess I could do this. Maybe she didn't want to go down to med bay looking like this? A part of my brain told me that didn't make any sense. But the rest of me wanted desperately to still be part of her world and if this was the last time I got to spend with her then... No, that hurt to much to think about.

I gingerly sat down behind her and carefully started to apply the healing solvent over the screaming red claw marks on her back. Maybe this was a kind of punishment in itself.

The silence stretched between us again. I didn't know what to say. What did you tell someone you just had more or less forced yourself on and then sliced her to shreds?

“So...” Shepard said, her voice tentative. “Perhaps some kind of explanation would be in order?” Yes, explanation. My confused mind grabbed at this one solid thing I could do for her. But how to go about it? There was so much... Where to start? “Oh come on! You are not getting out of explaining yourself this time!”

“Will you hold up!” I said with perhaps a bit more gusto than I had intended. “Give me a minute, I'm trying to think.” A pearling sound, like rippling water in a spring brook, sprang forth out of her and it was like balm for my soul. Was she laughing? “Okay, I don't know if you've been to Palaven, but the continent which turians originally come from has a large volcano.” I paused, because that didn't seem like the way to start things. I rubbed the salve into her back as I thought. “About every fourth year our moons reach a point in their orbits where they are very close. A sort of alignment I guess you could say. It affects the planet in some strange ways, one of which is making the volcano erupt. The smoke covers the sky for miles in all directions.” Shepard kept quiet apart from the occasional hiss of pain as I spoke. “Don't make me go into the specifics of this. I bet Mordin can break it down for you if you're really interested. But I don't know it all. All I know is that all life surrounding the volcano has adapted to double their efforts to stay alive every four years. Flowers bloom, animals mate...” I coughed to clear my throat. “Yeah... Everything and everyone goes into this flurry of reproduction. Strength in numbers I guess, and this includes the turians.” I was getting kind of uncomfortable talking about this and I was really happy Shepard was facing the other way, so I didn't have to meet her gaze. When I was finished applying the medi-gel I almost had to force my hands to leave her skin. All this talk about reproducing had my plates start to shift again. “As long as anyone can remember, this time every cycle has been a festival on my planet. A chance to... rest I guess you could say. Three weeks of music, dancing and fun. No one can really concentrate on their jobs anyway, not with all the hormones flowing around their bodies. A festival of rejuvenation. For everything on the planet. To prepare for the hard times to come.” I had stood up and started to pace by the bed as I talked, or maybe you should call it ramble.

Shepard had turned and was looking at me with one eyebrow raised, a smirk hinting on her lips.

“So are you telling me this whole thing has been about you being in heat?” The laugh was not very well hidden beneath her words.

I stopped, looking at her, scratching my neck with one hand awkwardly. It was a good thing turians couldn't blush.

“You make it sound so simple,” I said.

“Why didn't you just tell me?” she wondered.

I shifted were I stood.

“I was afraid you'd think I was some kind of animal,” I told her truthfully. “I didn't want to loose your respect.”

“I wouldn't think that,” she said, looking upset that I thought so little of her. “Why would you say that?”

“Oh, I don't know...” I grabbed my head between my heads and started to pace again. “Spirits, Shepard! Just look at you!” I swung around and gestured towards her bloodied, trashed bed and then to her. “It looks like someone let loose an angry Varren in your bed.”

She turned then, her side to me, legs under the blankets, inspecting her sleeping place.

“So how do you do it on your planet?” she asked.

“Our beds are built to withstand our claws and our women have just as much plating as us.” I realized a second to late how that came out.

“You saying I'm too soft for you?” She looked irritated.

“No.” I cringed inside. I didn't think she was any kind of soft, but that wasn't entirely true either. “But yes.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Well, you do bleed kind of easy!” I threw out with my arms. Nothing I said was going to sound right.

“I'm sturdier than I look, Garrus,” she muttered, casting me a nasty glance.

I went to her then. Sitting down at her side, almost close enough to touch, but I didn't dare.

“I know that,” I said, trying to appease her. “But you can't... I mean... I cut you... I couldn't control myself.” That's when I saw the bite mark on her neck, her hair had covered it up before. “Spirits, I'm sorry.” I hurriedly moved her hair out of the wound and started to reach for the 'gel pack, but she caught my wrists in both of her hands.

“Don't be,” she said, her hands sliding along my skin until they gripped my fingers. My heart started to pound in my chest and my plates shifted a little further. The feel of her warm skin, our fingers intertwined. The mark of _my_ teeth in her neck.A soft rumble started to stir within me.

“It's going to scar,” I protested and tried to pry my hands free. Granted I didn't do a very good job. A part of me wanted her to have that scar.

It was eerie, how Shepard sometimes seemed to know my thoughts.

“Do you want it to?” she asked.

My heart sped up and I couldn't stop myself from looking up into her eyes. They were insecure, clear and green. She must know that kind of mark meant something to a turian. My heart ached to tell her yes, yes I wanted her to keep it, to let it scar and show the rest of the world that she belonged to me. If this had been any other saga I would have told her I loved her. She would have said it back. But this was still new and we could both still die tomorrow so I kept my mouth shut.

The moment hung in the air, all the things between us left unsaid. After a while she reached up and caressed my mandible with her thumb softly.

“So you're not going to throw me off the ship?” was the only thing that popped into my brain. Her touch made my mind get so fuzzy.

She laughed.

“No, silly.”

The pearling sound of her laughter poured over me and I shifted where I sat. I coughed again and started to rise, letting her go.

“Well... Good, that's good.” I scratched my neck. “I guess I should... hrm... go, let you sleep... or something.”

“Or you could stay a while,” she suggested.

I was glad I had turned around already because that prompted a hole flood of images of what we could be doing if I stayed. I felt air waft over me as I emerged.

“Maybe not the best idea,” I said as I slowly made my way over to where I had thrown my clothes.

“Why?”

She really wanted to know why? Well, this evening couldn't get much more humiliating so why not just go with it. I turned slightly, letting my interest in staying show perfectly clear.

“Unless you want to really have your bed destroyed and... well... I can't promise things will go much more gentle this time.”

Was that a shiver I saw creep down her spine? I quirked an eyebrow at this revelation.

“There are plenty more medi-gel in the bathroom,” Shepard pointed out. “And screw the bed.”

“The bed, huh?”

“Or, you know, me, works too.”

The characteristic Shepard-grin spread over her lips and she squealed when I threw myself at her, my heart afloat high above among the clouds. I had the best woman in the whole galaxy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you have enjoyed this little story!


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